CONTRADICTORY ANNOTATION II

Who decide, what we are? And what we should be?

It is often said that we become who we have been around and that we should be like the people we admire.

Is this true?

Have you picked up traits from those around you when you were growing up to become who you are now?

How did you know it was the right thing to choose?

Oh, I see! Maybe you couldn't decide because you were never given a manual to tell you which trait is right or wrong!

In many cases, you might have imbibed the right traits and as a result, you proudly flaunt them, attributing them to your loved ones. But in some unfortunate cases, you might have been passed on a "wrong" trait, and in that case, you would probably complain relentlessly about it, blaming the person who passed it on to you.

I have read in many autobiographies and heard from many great people that they were influenced by the people they grew up with. Nothing against them, but I always had it the other way around.

No, not as in I influenced those I grew up with (of course not). The fact is that I learned it the hard way - I always learned what not to be from the people around me. Not to be disrespectful, not to be arrogant, not to yell, not to lie, not to hurt people's feelings (always a "not to be..."), but I guess that's how I grew up to be the humble, kind, patient, non-lying, compassionate person that I am now (or I think I am, am I?).

Many studies show that cognitive dissonance is due to the conflict between who we have become and who we think we should become. This conflict in our minds can lead to instability in our personalities. It's hard for me not to notice my instability these days, which is caused by the attributes I hold. The constant questioning in my mind of "why do I hold these traits? Who in my family or surroundings possibly behaved this way?" creates a torturous instability in my mood, which leads to fluctuation in my mind's processing power, resulting in crashing of ideas and intermingling of thoughts. This war of thoughts in my mind leads to nowhere but to a deep trough of hormonal imbalance, which again feeds into the moodiness. This is a positive feedback loop that we call overthinking.

Is this another trait I picked up from someone or a defense mechanism I built against another trait?