Grey Behaviour (Maybe, YOU need to read it!)

I don’t have any idea for what consequences led to how I am feeling right now. Is it because of how people behave around me or with me? Or is it because of the unresolved dream I had last night, which gave rise to uncanny disputes in my mind? I think what I am feeling now must be the only thing I never wanted to feel in my life, which is why I don’t know how to make peace with it.

People around me always took me for granted, but these days the resultant feeling is amplified! The reason for that may vary, but the most prominent one of them all is that with passing time, feelings do get amplified, thus resulting in my emotionally chaotic and imbalanced mental state.

They do something, I take my time, and forget it with passing while. But when they do it again, it adds up to the previous unresolved act, and thus the amplification leads to increased amplitude of my chaos. And this graph of miseries paces exponentially with time.

I can’t stand violence, neither physical nor mental or emotional. Every time people yell at me or raise their voices, the ripple of the (voice) waves created causes a turmoil in my emotions, and I sink. I always try to make myself understand that it’s their problem, and at the end of the day, they will suffer if they continue to behave this way, but it affects me. Be it my own people or strangers, I just can’t deal with loud voices, and when I say loud, the tone involved makes a huge difference. I don’t have a problem with Ritviz singing loudly, but I might not keep up with a person standing next to me yelling at the other person standing next to him.

And it’s not just with loud voices; it’s how one behaves around me. (Readers in the background - Didi ko sabse problem hai.)

Maybe what makes me feel disturbed in all those ways is where people’s behavior falls in the grey regions, the GREY BEHAVIOR.

The term grey behavior means a whole different universe of negative behavior or semi-negative behavior to me. The enraged yelling, the illogical disputes, the raising voice just to make their point, the 'I am always right' tone, the 'I am the boss, and you have to do this' attitude (mere neeche tumhari ganga behti hai tone), the 'I don't care whatever' tone, the ungratefulness, the rude behavior, the disrespectful tone, and whatnot! It makes me sick (literally sick, not even lying). I’ve found myself feeling nauseous, miserable, and mentally exhausted when I am the one who gets these behaviors or I’m somewhere near the person who’s treating or getting treated this way.

It takes a different level of tolerance to make oneself understand why one should not get affected. But it affects one, and one constantly wishes and works to stand at a place from where these feelings will appear funny. But that point seems like a mirage, and it’s hard to see that even after so many motivational speeches given to oneself, one doesn’t absorb it and still gets affected by every little aspect of this weird society, behaving in its weird ways. (The one is me!)

The solutions to these miseries may be alpha, attaining a level where you are free to escape the worldly 'moh maya' (difficulty level: moderate, given it's Kalyug). Or beta, absorbing absolute motivational speeches given to oneself and trusting the assurance of 'not giving a damn' to be fulfilled by oneself (difficulty level: easy, since assurance is not tough to give. Come on, it's India!). Or charlie, making the world understand the real behavior to be incorporated, that is, humbleness, politeness, being understanding, and being vinamra, the real meaning of being human (difficulty level: extreme. Can you call yourself vinamra? Google the term, dude)!

In conclusion, you should start thinking about how others will feel when you yell at them, curse them in anger just for the sake of expressing your disinterest in something, avoid someone, or be conditionally nice to them (being nice only when needed, kaam ke waqt gadhe ko baap banana). Because at one time or another, someone will make you feel the same. Instead, go back and think if you made someone feel the same way.

It's human nature; you don't understand misery unless you get to experience one! Get back on track before it's too late. People are suffering because of you. Understand this!

So, think before you execute your gray behavior! These are vicious feelings that get you trapped in an unending spiral of making and, in turn, being the sufferers!

(Pic credit-GoodFon)